I’m sorry that your help comes with a price that I am no longer able to pay. 

I’m sorry that I am in a depression so severe that I cannot function.
I’m sorry that I have not slept in 2 days.
I’m sorry I am unable to get out of bed except to use the bathroom.
I’m sorry that I didn’t take the dogs out until 8:00 last night and I haven’t showered, washed my hair or brushed my teeth in 3 days.
I’m sorry that I feel like I can’t move any part of my body.
I’m sorry that I feel paralyzed.
I’m sorry that it’s going to take years to heal from the damage you have done.
I’m sorry that it’s going to take years to heal from the damage RUPCO has done.
I’m sorry that it’s going to take years to heal from the damage NUVANCE Health has done.
I’m sorry that you make the choice, every day, to keep me dependent on you.
I’m sorry that you went behind my back and took my store apart.
I’m sorry that you felt that was your decision to make.
I’m sorry you put everything from the store in the very place I told you that under no circumstances were any of my belongings to go.
I’m sorry you let my storage unit get auctioned off.
I’m sorry you then went and bought it for $10 and in doing so came to the conclusion that everything in it belongs to you.
I’m sorry you said you were going to throw it all out.
I’m sorry you won’t tell me where it all is. 
I’m sorry you continue to take from someone who has nothing.
I’m sorry you took it upon yourself to put my car in your name.
I’m sorry that the day I took photos to sell my Passat it stopped turning on.
I’m sorry that it is now turning into a rusty shitbox, returning to the earth next to all your cars that are doing the same thing.
I’m sorry that you see me as an extension of you.
I’m sorry that you think I’m your property.
I’m sorry that you think I belong to you.
I’m sorry that you think giving me money means I have to do what you say.
I’m sorry you call that “help” when it’s entrapment.
I’m sorry you feel so bad about yourself that you have to trap someone in your life.
I’m sorry you think that’s what power looks like. 
I’m sorry you don’t see how weak that actually is.
I’m sorry you create chaos and drama and catastrophic situations only to be able to swoop in and act like you’re a “hero” by getting me out of
the very situation you created.
I’m sorry you see my want for a home that I feel safe and comfortable in after a lifetime of feeling unsafe in every home I’ve lived in as selfish or an attack on you.
I’m sorry that you can’t see that having a childhood home in which I had to set up booby traps at night and buy curtains for the windows made me feel unsafe.
I’m sorry that you don’t understand how hard it is for me to feel safe anywhere when the man my mother brought into our home…redacted so I wouldn’t be censored .
I’m sorry that I was raped twice by a roommate who was 6’6”, came home drunk, laid on top of me, and pried my legs open.
I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to push him off of me or stop him.
I’m sorry that it went unheard when I was screaming “STOP” and “NO”. 
I’m sorry I then had to leave the place that I had been calling home because I was too scared to be there.
I’m sorry that I’ve been raped more times than I care to say.
I’m sorry that you don’t know how many times I have actually been raped and sexually assaulted because I’m too ashamed/scared to tell you.
I’m sorry that I was raped in the home I lived in before moving into the house where I was raped twice by XXXXX, after I had broken up with XXXXX, and had just gotten out of the hospital because he too, abused me into oblivion.
I’m sorry I never told anyone.
I’m sorry that a man my roommate brought home came into my bedroom in the middle of the night.
I’m sorry I woke up to the smell of cigarettes and booze and a stranger putting one hand over my mouth while using the other hand to hold me down while telling me if I opened my mouth he would punch me.
I’m sorry he then took the hand he was using to cover my mouth to rip my underpants off and violate me so violently that his disgusting sweat was dripping on my face and chest and when he was done he got up and left and I had blood pouring out of me and ended up pregnant and having my 4th miscarriage.
I’m sorry that, even though I abided by his rule of silence he punched me in the face anyway and my tooth went through my lip.
I’m sorry that I had to move again.
I’m sorry that I spent the next 6 months in and out of the hospital, unable to function, 95 lbs.
I’m sorry that when I was 19 I let someone stay in my apartment who raped me then stole my car the next day.
I’m sorry I had to clean up the cans of Schlitz that he left everywhere.
I’m sorry that these events led to me having sex with people because I thought it would make them love me.
I’m sorry you don’t see why I would feel so strongly about having control over my own life after these kind of events.
I’m sorry you don’t see how strong my reaction to any kind of rape or assault scene in a movie or TV show is and why I plug my ears, sing, cry, close my eyes and/or rock back and forth.
I’m sorry that me telling you any of this will not illicit empathy, love, or compassion.
I’m sorry that you don’t see how traumatizing it was to endure all of this.
I’m sorry that your first concern as someone who “loves” me isn’t that I never feel unsafe or uncomfortable in any home I live in ever again.

I’m sorry that you see this as an attack on you. 

I’m sorry that you’re unable to see that I was put in the current situation by other people.
I’m sorry you don’t see how much I have fought – not just recently but my entire life.
I’m sorry you don’t understand that I am a human being and I have mental and physical limitations.
I’m sorry you don’t see how traumatized I am by all that I have been through not only in my life but in the very short period of time that is the last 2 years.
I’m sorry that my stomach lining disappearing, being in pain all the time, and shitting or puking blood isn’t enough for you to be kind. 
I’m sorry you don’t see that I’m a good business person.
I’m sorry you don’t see how smart and talented I am.
I’m sorry you don’t say it.
I’m sorry that you do and say things that illicit hope in me only to flip flop and crush me – and I’m sorry you don’t see how destabilizing that is for a human being.
I’m sorry I don’t want you to pay for this attorney because I fear the price I will ultimately end up paying if you do.

I’m sorry you see this as an attack on you.

I’m sorry that I fear that anything you do from this moment on is meant to punish me.
I’m sorry you don’t see how much I’ve already been punished and I’m sorry you don’t think it’s enough.
I’m sorry that your instinct is not to do whatever is necessary to protect me and make me feel safe.
I’m sorry you think that you know better than me what that should look like.
I’m sorry that you don’t see how this is a trigger for me and something I desperately need in a relationship given my childhood and the traumas I have endured. 
I’m sorry you can’t see how much money I have spent on you.
I’m sorry you don’t see that it doesn’t matter to me how much money I have spent on you.
I’m sorry you don’t see that I would give the shirt off my back or my last nickel to help someone feel safe and loved, and so that no one ever has to feel how I feel or have felt in the past.

I’m sorry that you see all of this as an attack on you. 

I’m sorry that when I told you a doctor said I’m going to end up with a colostomy bag you made it about you.
I’m sorry that’s exactly what my mother always did.
I’m sorry you can’t see how much time and money I have put into my store.
I’m sorry that you don’t want me to think that the store was successful because of me.
I’m sorry that you want to diminish my accomplishments.
I’m sorry that you don’t want me to feel good about myself.
I’m sorry that you think me knowing what’s best for me and my store equates to having to have everything my way.
I’m sorry that you would say that to someone in my position.
I’m sorry you don’t want me to have things my way. 
I’m sorry that you think because I did not want your friend working at the store that that means you did everything you could to help me and I’m such a high maintenance princess that it just wasn’t good enough.
I’m sorry that you don’t remember me saying I had a girl that desperately wanted to work at the store and you did not want to help me by training her enough to get her in there.
I’m sorry you were willing to do that with your friend but not someone who was an appropriate fit for my business.
I’m sorry you see that as me needing to have things my way or no way. 
I’m sorry I’m human and needed help.
I’m sorry you’re unable to see that, even though I say it to you on a regular basis, I don’t want to rely on you.
I’m sorry you always “forget” that I am happiest when I am independent and taking care of myself.
I’m sorry that you can’t see that if I felt stability, if I wasn’t in crisis, If I wasn’t waking up drenched in sweat when I do manage to fall asleep for an hour, I would be able to do the things I need to do to make money so I don’t have to ask you for any.
I’m sorry I have been such a burden and drain on your life.
I’m sorry that even though I told you 2 days ago that I am grateful for all you have done for me, I know that it’s a tremendous amount, I don’t know what I would have done without you, and I do not and have not ever felt entitled to it or expected it, you still feel the need to do what you are doing.
I’m sorry you probably didn’t watch the video I airdropped to you and have no idea what I’m talking about. 
I’m sorry you cannot see how hard I am trying given the life altering circumstances.
I’m sorry that you taught me that “money is just a tool” but don’t live by that or any of the other enlightened things you say.
I’m sorry that some days you tell me not to worry and insist on helping me only to then turn around and tell me you never did or said any of it. 
I’m sorry you feel powerful when you gaslight me so hard that it makes me want to run my car into a tree.
I’m sorry that you don’t see that I have done nothing but try to be your partner and be on your side and take things on together.
I’m sorry that in the past I have attempted to pay you back for my existence in your life; the fact that you decided I “couldn’t” was just that – your decision. 
I’m sorry you don’t understand that is not your decision to make.
I’m sorry that you don’t see my buying you nice things is my way of “paying you back” when you refuse to take money from me.
I’m sorry that you don’t see me paying $300 on the CC as me trying, as my attempt at showing you good faith and instead remind me that I had to turn around and use that money in an attempt to degrade, shame, and humiliate me.
I’m sorry that my putting that $300 on the CC was all the money I had and that’s why I ended up having to use it.
I’m sorry you don’t see how destabilizing and confusing it is when you refuse to take money that I am trying to give you, even if it’s $50, and then tell me I’m a burden.
I’m sorry that you can’t see who I am.
I’m sorry that you know how much I hate having to rely on you for money and exploit that.
I’m sorry that, the same month I’m losing what is not only my source of income, but also my dream, at Christmas time, I am now losing the roof over my head and will have to go through a 3rd eviction process in a year.
I’m sorry that you’re ok with watching this all happen to me.
I’m sorry that you still think, given all that I said above, I don’t have the right to live in a home where I feel safe and comfortable.
I’m sorry you don’t think that everyone, regardless of their life circumstances, deserves that.
I’m sorry that you feel that at 43 years old, having never lived in a home in which I felt safe, I don’t deserve to.

I’m sorry you see this as an attack on you. 

I’m sorry that you can’t see that I have spent the last 6 months teaching myself a new career to try to bring in money.
I’m sorry that you were never able to sit down with me, as my partner, and work out a plan financially to make you feel like I’m not taking advantage of you and figure out what I could do to contribute with money and help you.
I’m sorry that you see things in black and white and think this is the way things are going to stay forever.
I’m sorry you don’t see that if I ended up living in one of your properties again I would commit suicide.
I’m sorry you don’t care.
I’m sorry you see this as an attack on you. 
I’m sorry you don’t see that I would be more of a burden and drain because I would be so severely depressed that I would not be able to function.
I’m sorry you don’t see that there are no prospects for me in this area and you don’t think I deserve to have a career.
I’m sorry that you pretend not to understand that having a career is the only way I would be able to not rely on you for money.
I’m sorry you don’t remember what it was like for me before the store and want more for me.
I’m sorry you can’t understand why I would rather live in a cardboard box on the side of the road with the dogs than go back to living that way.

I’m sorry you see this as an attack on you.

I’m sorry you see my ambition and drive as an attack against you. 

I’m sorry that nothing I’ve done has been good enough for you.
I’m sorry you don’t remember anything I have done for you.
I’m sorry that the only way you would remember is if I threw it in your face every day.
I’m sorry that I’m not that kind of person.
I’m sorry that the things I have done and the person I am are of no value to you.
I’m sorry you are able to discard me like a piece of garbage.
I’m sorry that I am so unbelievably ill right now I feel like I’m dying.
I’m sorry that you see me telling you that, my cries for help, and my attempts at trying to make you understand how much pain I’m in some sort of manipulation.
I’m sorry I have to co-exist in a world with someone whose mind would even think that way under the circumstances.

I’m sorry you don’t see how completely devastating this situation is and why it has paralyzed me. 

I’m sorry that I’m instead of decorating my store for Christmas and getting ready for the holidays, I am trying to figure out how I’m going to survive. 
I’m sorry that this is exactly where I was at the end of my relationship with XXXXXXX. I’m sorry that you see this as an attack on you.
I’m sorry that this is exactly where I was at the end of my relationship with XXXXXXX. I’m sorry that you see this as an attack on you.
I’m sorry that this is exactly how I felt when my mother said “I hope your paycheck gets your lights turned back on.” I’m sorry that you see this as an attack on you.
I’m sorry that I feel that this is not what it looks like when someone loves or cares about another human being. I’m sorry that you see this as an attack on you.
I’m sorry you live your life like you are invincible and that there is no possibility that you could ever lose everything, get sick, or end up at rock bottom. 
I’m sorry that I am constantly defending every aspect of my existence.
I’m sorry that you were blind to how much I loved you and unable to understand the many ways in which I showed it. 
I’m sorry you never saw how lucky you were to have the kind of love I gave you.
I’m sorry you never saw how lucky you were to have the kind of woman that I am.

I’m sorry that you see every word I say and my very existence as an attack on you.

I’m sorry that you forged my signature on time sheets that you submitted to NY Life and told them I worked 4 hours a day, 7 days a week for years when I didn’t, and pocketed all that money

I’m sorry I ended up with an $8,000 tax bill that has since mysteriously disappeared 

I’m sorry that after doing that, you have left me to starve for over a month 

I’m sorry you think you’re the victim I’m sorry that you’re going to watch as I lose my home with the hope that I will be forced to live across the street from you full time in perpetuity 

I’m sorry you don’t believe me when I say that will never happen and you will never see me or hear from me again if you watch as I lose the last thing I have left

I’m sorry that you continue to make the decision every single day to force me to live off your credit card instead of doing just one of the many things I have asked you to do that would help me get back on my own feet

I’m sorry that you have sabotaged every single thing I have done to try to make money since my store was taken from me

I’m sorry that the void in your soul is so enormous that destroying another person is the only way you can fill it

I’m sorry that you get pleasure in watching me suffer 

I’m sorry that you think I believe a word out of your mouth 

I’m sorry that you think I ever have 

I’m sorry that I don’t love you 

I’m sorry that you think I ever have 

I’m sorry that you see this as a relationship and not what it actually is – a hostage situation 

I’m sorry that you think any of this is ok 

I’m sorry that you think you will not have any consequences for what you have done to me and my dogs

I’m sorry that you perpetually underestimate me

I’m sorry that you’re jealous of me because I have something that you can never have 

I’m sorry that I ever let you touch me 

I’m sorry that I ever told you anything about me that you could use to exploit me and manipulate me 

I’m sorry you didn’t let the mask fall off completely until you knew I was trapped and had no way out 

I’m sorry that having you in my life made me realize that there are people in this world who are pure evil and have no redeeming qualities 

I’m sorry I ever left my dogs alone with you 

I’m sorry you purposely left them with a flea infestation for over a year 

I’m sorry that what you have done to my life has effected them so greatly

I’m sorry you don’t care 

I’m sorry I couldn’t keep them safe from a monster like you

I’m sorry that what you have done to them is something I will have to live with forever and I don’t know how I’m ever going to forgive myself 

I’m sorry it took me so long to see what you really are 

I’m sorry that I ever met you

I’m sorry that people like you exist in this world

I’m sorry that you are an evil, calculating, manipulative, sociopathic, narcissistic, piece of shit who doesn’t deserve to be walking around free 

I’m not sorry that when I get done with you, you won’t be.